Reasons why a man isn’t proposing and why it’s not necessarily a bad sign.
I’ve recently heard the term “forever girlfriend” being thrown around. A forever girlfriend is a woman in a long-term relationship whose boyfriend hasn’t proposed to her and doesn’t show any signs of doing so.
Some of these forever girlfriends pressure their man to marry them, so some cave in and give her a “shut up" ring. A shut up ring is like a promise ring and is a tactic used to delay commitment or marriage under the guise that there’s a promise to get married one day.
Modern women still internalise the belief that marriage is crucial for female security and is the only real sign of a man’s commitment. Many women also view marriage as a status symbol.
Many women dream about romantic proposals and their own big day where they’ll have a big princess wedding. They passively wait for their partner to propose, getting more and more agitated as the years go by without a proposal.
They assume that he’s not serious about her and doesn’t want commitment. This doesn’t necessarily mean that at all. If a guy is a committed and loyal person, he will be committed in a relationship. If a man isn’t loyal or committed, marriage won’t change him. Some men who get married don’t take marriage seriously. They will still lie and cheat and leave their wife for the hot secretary half his age.
Many people are seeing past the facade of marriage. I’m not fully against marriage, after all I am engaged, but I can see why more and more people are choosing not to get married. There are a lot of cons to getting married and my reasons to get married are more romantic and spiritual than because of security, government benefits, a princess wedding and societal expectations.
My fiancé and I just want a very small wedding with only immediate family. No big expensive do that will cost an arm and a leg. My fiancé and I just want to be as connected to one another as possible. Even if we weren’t engaged, I would still feel confident in my fiancé’s commitment to me.
Many people would be shocked as I don’t even have a ring, but I’m hardly traditional. For me it’s not about showing off on social media or gloating to friends. We’re in no rush to choose rings or to marry. The commitment is in our hearts.
Many women would find it unacceptable not to have a ring. They would assume that my fiancé isn’t invested in me or isn’t truly committed, which is bull. A ring is not proof of my fiancé’s commitment to me. For me, a ring is more of an outward sign to others that I’m taken.
My fiancé asked me what kind of ring I wanted and if I wanted him to propose properly (we both discussed marriage and decided that we want to get married), but I said no to both. I’m not traditional and don’t want an expensive ring or fancy proposal. It would be nice to choose rings for one another and maybe to have matching personalised rings.
I think that the idea of a traditional proposal, engagement, and wedding can be very overwhelming for many men, especially if he knows that’s what his partner expects.
The average cost of an engagement ring in the US is between $5,000- $6,000!! Yikes that’s a whopping amount!! I’d rather go on a few nice holidays with that amount or put it towards securing a property. My fiancé knows I could never justify that amount of money spent on a ring!
The average cost of a wedding in the US is around $33,000!! Geez! If I were a man, I would definitely not want to get married if a woman had those expectations. It’s not uncommon for people to get into debt because of the unreasonable wedding costs.
You’re better off using that money towards a down-payment on a house or towards rent if you don’t want to buy, or you could put it towards travelling or starting a business.
Unfortunately, we still live in a society where women equate a man’s commitment and love with how much money he spends on her. Weddings and engagements are sadly not always about love but social approval and superiority.
Planning a wedding is extremely stressful. It’s common for women to behave like Bridezillas and micro manage every aspect of the wedding. Men can behave like Groomzillas as well, of course, but this behaviour is more common in women.
Men often feel left out of the wedding planning, and their wishes for the big day are not always respected. Weddings can cause a lot of friction and fall outs between friends and family.
Perhaps men would be more willing to propose if there was less pressure and lower expectations. It can take several years to save for all of the combined engagement and wedding costs.
It might not mean that men aren’t committed to their girlfriends, they’re just not committed to the idea of spending an exorbitant amount of money to prove their love. Engagements and weddings seem more like a performance than an actual declaration of love. Most men are simple creatures and don’t show love through huge gestures.
A man who shows his love through small, thoughtful, and meaningful gestures is more likely to have genuine intentions and feelings than a man who splashes the cash easily on a woman. Usually, to placate her. Men can use money to control, manipulate, and silence women.
My fiancé surprising me with flowers and my favourite crisps, or ringing me whilst he was at work to see if I was OK after I messaged him that I was on the verge of an autistic meltdown on the bus because of unruly teens screaming their heads off speaks louder than an expensive engagement ring. A man can buy you expensive gifts but be emotionally unavailable and not show up for you when it counts.
My fiancé is kind, consistent, and loyal. That’s the most important thing to me, not how much money he spends or would be willing to spend on me.
Another reason why men are not proposing could be because women are too passive. How is a man meant to know that his girlfriend wants him to marry her if she’s never mentioned marriage?
My friend was telling me about a mutual friend of ours and how she is desperate for her boyfriend to propose. My friend said to her that she should drop hints. I personally think that’s the worst and most passive thing you can do.
You should have a conversation with your partner about your views on marriage. It’s not unattractive and desperate to discuss it. If you’re in a serious relationship whereby you’re both serious about having a future together, you need to discuss important things, not drop hints, and hope that they’ll be picked up on.
Men don’t do well with hints anyway 😂. Men respond best to being told upfront. Just because you say that you love your friend’s wedding dress doesn’t mean that your man sees it as a hint to get married.
Not wanting to get married doesn’t mean not wanting commitment either. There are other markers of commitment such as moving in together or having children.
Commitment is also more about how somebody treats you. Are they consistent and always there for you? Do they show up for you? Do they make plans for the future? Are they loyal and devoted to you? Do they make you happy?
Marriage doesn’t always equate to commitment. People don’t necessarily get married for love. They get married because of familial and societal pressure, financial reasons, or because of some idealised and unrealistic idea of love. Also, divorce is extremely common, so just because you’re engaged or married it doesn’t mean that a man will commit to you forever.
You need to be clear about your expectations and what marriage means to you. You also need to ask your partner about what marriage means to them. It’s simply not enough to ask them if they want to get married one day.
Your views on marriage and weddings need to be compatible. If he wants a small budget wedding and you want a huge expensive princess wedding, you need to think about whether or not you can compromise.
Also, think about why you really want to get married. Is it because of societal or familial pressure, wanting a fancy day, or wanting to outdo your friends?
Also, women need to ask themselves what marriage would really give them. We live in a society where fewer people are getting married due to factors such as female emancipation and secularism. This includes the social acceptability of non-marital cohabitation and having children out of wedlock.
Also, think about same sex couples who spent decades in long-term relationships before gay marriage or civil partnerships became legal. Does the lack of marriage mean that their relationships were less committed and loving?
There are also many heterosexual couples who have been together for decades and are very much committed and dedicated to one another without marriage. That says a lot more than a couple who is married and then gets divorced after only a few years.
My fiancé and I have decided to get married for deeply personal reasons, and even then we’re not going down the conventional route. We don’t want a big expensive wedding, nor do we want to do it because of societal pressure. We don’t care about the government benefits. We’re doing it because we love one another and want to take our love to the next level. It’s just for the two of us, not for anybody else.
I know that even without marriage, my fiancé would be 100% committed to me. Marriage is for both of us to honour and affirm our love for one another.
It’s like my affirmation to Judaism. I felt Jewish before my affirmation, but my affirmation cemented my identity and commitment to my Jewish heritage. It was a spiritual elevation. Getting married is also a spiritual elevation in my eyes.
I’m aware that society sends mixed signals about marriage. There are still expectations placed on people to get married, but at the same time, long-term relationships without marriage are acceptable with many preferring other forms of commitment before marriage such as having children and buying a home together. It’s more acceptable to do things backwards.
The most important thing is assessing the current signs of commitment or lack of in the relationship (not including lack of proposal or marriage). If you’re completely satisfied and your partner is showing up for you, you most likely don’t need to worry. The signs of love and commitment in everyday life trump the flashy and superficial displays that society has conditioned women to believe are a sign of true love and commitment.
