Stop judging women with “high body counts.”

Monica S
6 min readFeb 23, 2024

The extremely unfair double standard of shaming women for having many sexual partners is unfortunately still prevalent in society. It’s acceptable and encouraged for men to have as many sexual partners as they want, whilst women are shamed for it. It’s 2024 for fucks sake, not 1954!

I’m sick of men moaning about how unattractive women with high body counts are and how they aren’t relationship material. For those who aren’t familiar with the term, body count refers to the number of sexual partners a person has had.

What even counts as a high body count? Two partners, ten partners, twenty, fifty, a hundred?? Can a body count ever be too high? Yes, but for BOTH sexes. It also depends on frequency and when they started being sexually active. Let’s say somebody has a body count of 50, but they’ve been sexually active for 20 years. That’s the average of 2.5 partners a year which in theory isn’t a lot.

Compulsively sleeping with people for validation, low self-esteem and putting yourself at risk is an issue. Sleeping with a hundred or more partners for both sexes is extreme. There’s the issue of safety especially for women, especially if she’s sleeping with random men that she’s just met. They could be psychos and murderers. Also there’s the risk of catching STIs for both sexes.

Sleeping with so many partners for both sexes can lead to issues in a relationship and dissatisfaction with sex. Sex can easily become mechanical and meaningless if you’ve had that many sexual partners. Still even if people have had a hundred or more sexual partners, it doesn’t make them a bad or immoral person that isn’t worthy of a relationship or love.

Women with a high body count aren’t dirty, ruined or unsuitable for a long-term relationship. Also for many people, promiscuity can be a phase. It can be positive and be a part of self discovery, or it can be negative and a way to cope with trauma or low self-esteem just like drinking or doing drugs.

Most people that have a high body count do want to settle down with one person, but why should we remain chaste whilst we’re waiting for the right partner? In this day and age it’s much easier to have sex than get into a relationship. Many guys don’t want a relationship.

Misogynists would argue that they don’t want a relationship with a woman with a high body count, but a) how can they possibly know a woman’s body count if she doesn’t reveal it? and b) men not wanting relationships isn’t anything to do with how sexually active a woman is. A woman can refuse to have sex with a guy who doesn’t want a relationship. She could be a virgin for all he knows, but guess what? He still won’t want to be in a relationship with her because sex is all he wants!

It’s a myth that men desire a woman who doesn’t put out easily. From my experience it doesn’t make a jot of difference. I’ve turned down guys’ advances for sex because I didn’t know them and I didn’t feel comfortable having sex with a rando. They had no idea about my body count. When I refused to sleep with them, it didn’t make them go crazy and see me as girlfriend material. They lost interest and moved onto a girl who was more willing to have sex with them.

I have a theory about the men who shame women for having high body counts. They’re just jealous because they’re not getting any action themselves and the misogynist’s answer is always to blame the women. They can’t stand women who have a high body count because it emasculates them.

Toxic masculinity teaches men that sleeping with loads of women is the epitome of masculinity. When a woman “outdoes” a man, it’s a huge dent to his ego. It’s time to grow up misogynists and stop throwing your toys out of the pram because your ego has taken a boo boo.

A common theory why some men can’t stand women with high body counts is because these men feel insecure about their own sexual performance. They see women with high body counts as more experienced (which is not always the case), and they fear that she will judge them. Here’s a news flash: women with low or no body counts can still think you’re crap in bed! The guy I lost my virginity was definitely crap in bed and I had no prior experience!

Maybe instead of feeling insecure, communicate openly with your partner about how you could both increase your pleasure and enjoyment in the bedroom. Most misogynists are selfish in bed and put themselves first.

Another reason that some men are put off by high body counts is because these men are not that sexual themselves and they fear a woman with a high body count will have a higher sex drive. This is a reason that men won’t admit to themselves because not having a high sex drive isn’t seen as “masculine”. For those men that do have a high sex drive and are put off by women with high body counts, you do realize that a woman who has a low or no body count may not have a very high sex drive? Why be in a long term with someone whose sex drive doesn’t match yours?

I’m not ashamed of my body count and will never hide it. My body count is 12. I’ve been sexually active since I was 18 and I’m now 32 so that’s 14 years, so that’s not even one partner a year! I don’t care if men think that’s a lot. I don’t have any STIs, I practice safe sex with protection and I only sleep with guys I know and feel safe around. I even went through a period of being celibate for five years because I wanted to wait to be in a relationship. I did have sex again in a relationship, but it didn’t work out.

I slept with my ex boyfriend after three or four months only to discover that he wasn’t into “normal” sex. He had very disturbing fantasies. The first time we were intimate was so terrible that he made me cry. My ex was also a malignant narcissist.

It shattered my illusion of waiting and “being virtuous”. It made me realize that sexual compatibility is so important and a guy won’t respect you anymore if you make him wait. I also stopped caring about what guys thought of me and put my own needs first. I’m not a whore or slut because I have needs that are natural and human. There’s nothing wrong with indulging on the odd occasion.

I certainly don’t sleep with every guy I’m interested in either. This may be because I want to get to know him more first, am interested in him more than just sexually and want to build a connection. Or sometimes I’m just not in the mood.

I’m not trying to justify anything to myself or anyone else. All I’m saying is that my sex life and body count is my business and I do what makes me comfortable. I have standards. Having a “high body count” doesn’t mean you’ll sleep with anyone or that you don’t respect yourself. As long as you’re not having sex in order to self-destruct and are not putting yourself at risk emotionally and physically, why should anyone give a f*ck? We shouldn’t allow deeply insecure misogynists to keep on spreading their poisonous agenda which only serves to boost their incredibly fragile egos.

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Monica S

I love writing. I may be controversial but I'm not afraid to say it how it is.