Why oversharing on social media is such a big problem.
What do you do when you have good news? Maybe you ring your mum or your best friend? Perhaps you announce it over a family dinner? Do you organise a surprise for your partner to find out? Do you film the special moments and put it online for everybody to see?
The latter is all too common especially since the rise and mass popularity of social media. I try to stay away from social media but every so often I log onto Instagram to look at trends and inspiration for my articles. The main search page comes up with endless content announcing pregnancy and engagement news. Many of these videos have the same announcement format including the same captions, songs and revelations. For example I see countless pregnancy announcements that are just a cut and copy of each other. The caption usually goes along the lines of “everybody announcing that they’re expecting a 2025 baby,” followed by the lyrics “now I guess it’s my turn”, further followed by the influencer lifting up her top to expose her pregnant belly and her partner revealing a string of baby scan photos.
There are further videos of these influencers breaking the pregnancy news to their partner, children and families and capturing their reactions. Many other influencers post gaudy videos of their partner proposing to them followed by pictures of them smugly flashing the rock on their finger. I find this type of content rather vulgar, showy, smug and narcissistic. I ask myself, what do these influencers gain from posting these intimate moments for thousands and millions of strangers? Do people even care and for those that do, how does it make them feel? Do they genuinely care about this influencer or do they feel inadequate that they’re not engaged or pregnant? Does it make them wish that their partner proposed in such a romantic or flashy way? Do they wish that their family was so “picture perfect” or that their partner reacted with such emotion and excitement to their pregnancy news?
The majority of influencers use social media to brag about their “amazing” lives including their designer possessions, expensive holidays, partner and kids. Oversharing and bragging about life only makes these influencers come across as patronizing and pretentious. These influencers want their followers to know how superior they think they are. There’s also validation seeking. Many feel insecure about themselves and post in order to create an illusion of a happy relationship or family when it’s far from the case. People who are genuinely secure and happy with their lives don’t feel the constant need to share every single moment including the most intimate and private moments.
Recently British celebrity couple, boxer Tommy Fury and prominent social media influencer Molly Mae Hague announced the end of their five-year relationship. Both met on the reality TV show Love Island in 2019. After being the runners up in the competition and gaining more popularity than the actual winners, Tommy and Molly Mae turned their relationship into a brand. Molly Mae capitalized on her relationship with Tommy by posting about all aspects of their relationship on social media even revealing intimate and private details such as their lack of sex life.
Only days before their split, Molly Mae posted loved up pictures of herself and Tommy. This kind of obsessive and intimate oversharing is deeply disturbing. Sharing details about you and your partner’s sex life or lack of is inappropriate and unnecessary. Your relationship is nobody else’s business. Sharing any issues publicly is not only disrespectful to your partner but damaging to the relationship and trust. How can you trust someone who airs all of your most intimate moments? If you have relationship issues, they should be kept private and dealt with privately as well.
Even oversharing positive moments can be negative. There’s nothing wrong with posting a few pictures or videos every now and then, but constantly posting about the relationship makes it less intimate and private. There are precious moments that I wouldn’t want to share with anybody and want to keep for just my boyfriend and I. My relationship is not a show for people to watch.
Plus constantly recording videos and posing for pictures becomes tiresome and fake especially if you have to record endless takes to get the video perfect or pose for countless pictures. It takes the fun out of the relationship and makes it less couple focused. I wouldn’t want to spend hours with my boyfriend posting dumb TikTok dances for likes and followers.
My boyfriend and I love karaoke, but we don’t need to prove to other people how much fun we’re having. Also what would be the point? Neither of us are the best singers and people would get fed up of us constantly uploading videos of us singing karaoke. We just sing karaoke for us and because we enjoy it. We don’t need to share every moment and update everybody on social media about our activities.
When you start posting videos with your partner it becomes less about having fun together and more about trying to impress and gain approval from your followers. Influencers constantly feel under pressure to keep up with new trends and tailor their videos so that they get more popularity and a bigger following. How can you be authentic in your relationship when you’re more focused on social media than on one another?
There’s nothing crasser than making money and a business out of your relationship. It shows how little the couple values their relationship and privacy. Like I said, how can you be real and honest with one another if you’re constantly putting on a show and are always altering your content to satisfy the masses? Some videos are just downright nasty and disrespectful to the partner for example videos where a person pranks their partner, pretending that they’ve cheated on them or are breaking up with them. Some influencers will literally do anything and I mean anything for likes and views.
A couple that constantly posts is a couple that isn’t secure and doesn’t have much substance. According to psychologists, people who constantly post about their relationship are often not fully satisfied in the relationship and want to convince others and themselves that they’re happy. It’s not just influencers, but ordinary social media users. My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend used to constantly post about their relationship when they were together. When I did a bit of Facebook stalking on his ex’s profile, anybody could be fooled into thinking that they were a happy and loved-up couple based her countless posts gushing about my boyfriend and posting pictures of them together. My boyfriend says that the relationship was actually an unhappy one and in reality she was cold, distant and critical towards him. None of his family or friends liked her either.
As you know, it’s not just celebrities and influencers that overshare about their relationship and everyday life, but ordinary people on your Facebook, Instragram or TikTok. We all know one of those couples or individuals who constantly post cringy “loved up” posts like my boyfriend’s ex or the people who constantly post every single meal they’ve eaten. I have friends who constantly post about everything they do and/or about their kids and relationship. Bluntly speaking, who really cares that you’re celebrating your fourteen month anniversary with your boyfriend or that he treated you to a romantic spa break? Nobody cares that you had avocado and eggs on toast for brunch at some fancy and overpriced café in Chelsea.
Having said that, it can be nice to see what friends are up to. I enjoy seeing my friend’s holiday pictures or if they’ve gone to any cool places, which sometimes inspires me to try those places. It can also be nostalgic to share memories online with friends especially from someone’s birthday or an epic night out. I like looking back on those memories. But when does sharing become oversharing?
Well when people post almost daily about the same mundane and ordinary things like overpriced brunches or constant selfies and posts ranting and complaining about everything. Feeling that you need to update everybody on social media about exactly what you’re doing in the moment whether when you’re on holiday or at a party when you should be enjoying that moment borders on oversharing.
I like to post pictures with friends sometimes but I don’t want to or feel the need to post every single time we meet. I have friends who are obsessed with social media and want to post about every thing we do together. One friend wants us to record videos singing and dancing or just hanging out every time we meet just to share on social media. I find it tiring and rather futile.
The most disturbing thing about influencers and prolific social media users are those who constantly use their children in their content. There’s nothing more cruel than turning children into performing monkeys in order to gain more followers and likes. God only knows to what extent these poor children are pushed. How many photos and video retakes must they endure to get the “perfect” one? Stop pushing your kids in front of the camera to fulfil your selfish need for validation.
Enjoy those precious moments off social media and actually spend quality time with your children. I guarantee that nobody truly cares that Charlie is five months old today or that Poppy just started potty training. Even close friends on social media don’t need or appreciate constant updates about your kids. There’s also a question of safety when it comes to posting about children on social media. Influencers especially place their children at greater risk both in terms of safety and psychologically. Nobody really knows who their followers are. You could have paedophiles following you for all you know just to spy on your kids.
Many influencers and social media users don’t think about the psychological impact posting online could have on their children. These influencers teach their children that validation from strangers is important and put pressure on them to perform and behave in a way that isn’t authentic. They also don’t think about how certain content may be embarrassing for their child in the future. Nobody wants to see public pictures of themselves being breastfed or videos of them having a major tantrum in a supermarket.
Also as kids grow up, their personalities and interests change. The little five-year-old girl who liked dancing with her mum on TikTok may not be interested in doing it anymore as a ten-year-old. Her mum may still push her to do it in order to get more followers and likes. These children may grow up feeling exploited and resentful just like the majority of former child stars.
Social media creates an illusion of a “perfect life”, but next time you see an influencer or even Facebook friend post about their picture perfect family or relationship, think to yourself, what’s the reality behind those smiles? Social media very rarely shows you what goes on behind the pictures and videos. Think about the most fulfilled people and successful relationships that you personally know. How often do they post on social media? I bet the answer is not very often. They’re probably busy enjoying life and savouring life’s most precious and beautiful moments without needing to feel validated or put on a tacky show for an online audience. Some of the best moments in life are those moments shared only by those closest to you.
