I’m so sick of hearing single men grumble about how they’re single because “women don’t need them.” The concept of “needing a man” is so ridiculously outdated. It’s clear that men with this kind of mindset are still brainwashed by patriarchy and traditional gender roles. If by “needing a man” that means despairing over our single status and needing a man to define our worth, not being able to screw in a lightbulb without a man’s help, and the sole purpose of our lives being serving a husband and children , then I’m sorry you missed the memo. The word “need” implies desperation and incompleteness. Independent women want a man, but we don’t need one to define our self-worth and happiness. We’re not going to settle for any guy in order to be in a relationship just for the sake of it or to feel validated by society. Plus it’s not “women not needing them” that’s the problem; the problem is themselves. It’s always easier to blame someone else rather than look at yourself and accept that the problem may be you. Here are the reasons why some men are intimidated by independent women.
1. They themselves need a woman and a relationship to validate them.
Believe it or not there are men who also hate being single and struggle to cope without a woman to take care of them emotionally and/or physically (such as cook and clean). Some men feel that without a woman, their worth is diminished. They are needy and dependent and an independent woman doesn’t have the time or energy to look after a man-child. You shouldn’t rely on solely a partner to bring you happiness. Happiness should be like a jigsaw in that there are different pieces that bring us happiness such as family, friends, pets, hobbies etc, not just one single piece (a partner or relationship). An independent person doesn’t only focus on one thing or person and put it above everything else; that’s what some men don’t like.
2. The belief in traditional gender roles and behaviors.
Independence typically goes against the traditional view that women are “subservient and submissive.” An independent woman has a strong sense of self and won’t allow herself to be controlled and abused. Toxic masculine beliefs enforce traditional gender roles such as the man exercising dominance over a woman and being the sole breadwinner. Women are just there to serve the man’s needs. A woman’s role is in the home; cooking and cleaning and raising children. Women who don’t want to be a traditional 1950’s wifey are a threat to these men. These traditional men who are brainwashed by toxic masculinity and patriarchy complain about how independent and emancipated western women are and seek women that come from more traditional countries and cultures where taking care of a man is a woman’s priority (think Passport Bros).
3. These men don’t know their place.
As a result of generations of dismantling and reassessing traditional gender roles, some men don’t know what purpose they serve. They may have been brought up with traditional views and/or brainwashed by patriarchy and toxic masculinity, so the version of an evolved modern man who is equal to a woman deeply confuses them. If independent western women don’t expect them to be the main breadwinners and leaders, what do they expect them to be? Some men have a weak sense of self and rely on toxic ideologies to give them a sense of purpose and identity. Many of these men struggle, question themselves and feel inadequate when faced with an independent woman who challenges everything that they believe manhood to be.
4. Power struggle and competition.
There are still many men who feel threatened and emasculated by women who earn equal to or more than what they earn. The belief that independent women want to compete with men is not true. We just want to be equal and not have to depend on a man financially. Equality means that abolition of power imbalance. Some men don’t like that because it threatens their ego and sense of control. Equality means not being able to control somebody or see them as inferior. Like I mentioned, independent women don’t tolerate being controlled and hushed.
5. Independent women won’t serve men.
As I mentioned, an independent woman doesn’t want to be stuck at home being a man’s slave. For us, it’s a two way street. Household labor is to be shared and taking care of each other should be a mutual thing. What’s the point of getting expensive gifts if your emotional needs aren’t being met or pampering your man when he won’t even make you a cup of tea? Being independent for many men equates to less time spent in the home and more time at work, with other people and on other interests.
Concluding this article, I’m not accusing all of men of this kind of mentality or thinking. There are many enlightened men who appreciate and support independent women, but unfortunately there are those who see it as a threat and a turn off and use female independence as a derogatory term to describe western women who do not confirm to traditional gender roles. These men blame independent women for their single status and difficulty with dating when really they need to look deeper within themselves. Maybe then they’d realize that their mentality is outdated and that independent women are an asset not a threat.